Dear Teen,
I think every person has a “What was I thinking?” relationship story. I think as you go through practicing relationships you obviously might make mistakes and poor choices. A relationship that starts out so much fun and you are so in love (or like) that it seems like nothing could ever go wrong, sometimes does. Remember it takes time to get to know someone. So somewhere along the journey things start going wrong. Maybe they become possessive and controlling or they lie or cheat. Whatever it is you slowly start to lose your affection for the person, but in the meantime you keep putting up with a lot! You will know you are done with the relationship when you can say to yourself…”What was I thinking?” It’s OK to be done. It’s also Ok to keep caring about the person you shared a relationship with because at some point it was good and you shared lots of good times too. That doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them, because when you are done you are done. So don’t get down on yourself, just accept that you moved through that relationship and hopefully learned some valuable things about yourself for the next one. If you can ask your “What was I thinking?”, then most likely you are done.
I was recently talking to a teen who has repeatedly taken back a cheating boyfriend, over and over again. She never felt good about it but kept giving him another chance. Finally, after a summer of letting him go, I asked her if she could now ask herself “What was I thinking?” And she soooo related to it! But she also learned to not give up so easily on the things she wants in a relationship like honesty and trust and expect more next time.