Dear Teen,
What exactly is date rape? Also known as acquaintance rape. I can find many definitions out there but the basic description is when a rape, or sexual assault happens with someone you know. The laws will vary between states, too. I have seen this happen too many times to teen girls and they never feel it is something they can or should report. There can be so much shame, embarrassment and guilt for the girl. Sometimes the girl was dressed in a sexy revealing way, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or had flirted with the boy and because of that feels like it was her fault. You can be standing there naked and not deserve to be raped! You have the right to say no and refuse any unwanted advances. You can flirt, like the guy and still not deserve to be raped. YOU get to say when you are ready for sex of any kind. If you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol you may be considered unable to make a clear decision, therefore any unwanted sexual advances could put the boy at risk for a rape charge, even if you didn’t say no. The bottom line is don’t put yourself at risk. If you go to a party or gathering of any kind, don’t use drugs or alcohol. There are people out there who will give girls drugs and alcohol for free….hmmmm, I wonder why? It’s really not worth the risk. If you are on a date or have met someone new, communicate clearly what you do and do not want to do. If you don’t want to have sex and he doesn’t like you anymore because you won’t, let him go! He’s not worth it. Anyone who truly likes you for you will respect you and your wishes. If you find yourself in a scary situation, make yourself very difficult by yelling, shouting, screaming NO and HELP! Kick and be difficult. Then tell a trusted adult immediately. We don’t want this to happen to anyone else. And YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. If you are afraid to tell someone because you were using drugs or alcohol and don’t want to get in trouble, think about how you will feel knowing you were raped, and the guy is still out there. It is a trauma that needs to be addressed so you can work through the feelings. Everyone makes mistakes, you just want to make sure you get the chance to learn from them. Remember, YOU get to decide when you have sex and I hope it will be with someone you have mutual trust, respect and care for.
I know date/acquaintance rape can happen to boys too, but I have used girls as the example in this blog. All the same information applies to anyone, regard less of gender.