Dear Parent,
So your teen is struggling, maybe making poor choices, can’t get motivated, seems unhappy, experimenting with drugs or alcohol, is very anxious, not doing well in school, no friends. You want to help but aren’t sure what to do, especially if your teen is not telling you much. I’ve noticed time and again that parents will ask “What’s wrong?”, or “What’s going on?” and the answer is “I don’t know.” The reason this is the answer is because THEY DON’T KNOW! Literally. So it doesn’t help to just keep asking. They just don’t know what’s wrong or how to best communicate what they are feeling or going through. You need to get some help, meaning working with a doctor and therapist. (Check out my blog Do WE Need a Therapist?) Of course it may not be that easy to find the right person but you have to start somewhere. I always suggest starting with your medical doctor. A physical exam might also be a good place to start to rule out any physical contributors and to determine the next level of care. Some teens may be referred to inpatient, outpatient or hospitalization to initially address the problem. No matter what the next step is you can get a referral to a program or therapist from your doctor. When referred by your doctor, often times that program or therapist will be on your insurance plan, too. The point is to get to the professionals who can help and go from there. I also believe finding the right fit is very important. You want your teen to feel comfortable with the therapist and willing to open up. It’s more important for your teen to like and respect the therapist than for you to. I highly suggest you as parents go too. Remember, this is not their problem, but a member of the family having a problem so everyone involved should be involved in the solution. So no matter what the issue: depression, self-harming, eating issues, start with your medical doctor. If you don’t have insurance check your local resources, there are many free services. A school counselor might also be able to steer you in the right direction and let you know what is available in your area. Many schools provide services like peer support programs, support groups and individual counseling through the school counselors. I know I make these recommendations all the time. I also provide all of those school supports, too. So there is help out there, don’t be afraid to ask!