Dear Parents:
So many people seem to think that a teen getting a phone or a car is a given. What if it were to be considered the privilege that is really is? And with most privileges, they are earned. What if to earn a personal phone you had to keep your grades to a certain level, like Cs or better? And have good attendance at school. And not break the law. And be respectful and trustworthy to your family and people in your life. And simply just be a good person doing your best. The same idea pertains to a car. Although there are more expenses and responsibilities related to a car, it is still a privilege to get to drive and especially have your own car! Then if the teen does not uphold their end of the bargain, they lose the privilege of having their own phone, or driving a car. They lose it until they can earn it back. It becomes a motivator for good choices. Earning it back is as simple as getting back on track with the ideas mentioned previously. So as a teen, if you mess up, you lose your privileges. But if you mess up due to things that are somewhat out of your control, like mental or behavioral issues, then you are not to be punished for that but still encouraged to earn your privileges. So how hard could this really be? Is it really so hard to be a good person, go to school, do your best, not break the law and be respectful to others? I don’t think so. For parents, it gives you the opportunity to provide some simple guidelines. Teens like to know how far they can go and what is expected of them. Especially if it is clearly laid out. They also need to know that if they blow it and make a mistake, they can earn back their privileges by getting back on track. Parents, sit down with your teen and lay this all out. Don’t be afraid if they lose the privilege of using a phone that YOU won’t be able to survive it! If they lose the car, you also don’t have to drive them around! Remember bikes and buses? Just plan ahead for curfews, check-ins or pick-up times. It is such a great tool for teaching teens responsibility and appreciation. Write out the expectations and keep it available for review by all. You want to make sure your agreement is clear and that the consequences are understood. Overall this should help your teen stay on track! They will not want to lose their phone or the car! It provides a great incentive and motivator. It also gives them an out if tempted to make a poor choice. “I can’t because if my parents find out, I will lose my phone (or car).” Most teens would understand that and realize it is not worth the risk. But it might be a good idea to include this in your conversation with them. Remember, if you bought the phone and pay for the monthly plan, you own it. If you bought the car and at least help pay for it’s use, you own it. Once your teen has proven they are reliable, trustworthy and super responsible, then maybe you can relax a little! In the meantime, you are teaching them a valuable lesson.