Dear Parent:
There’s always a reason behind failing grades, poor behavior, unhappiness., etc. So if you look at a situation and ask yourself what the reason might be you just might be able to solve the problem or at least become more aware of what is happening. For example, if things seem to be changing for your teen: low grades, stress, anxiety, depression, lack of good friendships/relationships, doesn’t like school, not getting along with parents, etc. you want to look at the total environment and what might be contributing. Have things changed at home: divorce, parents fighting, older sibling left house or is a better student than younger sibling? Have things changed in their world like friendships, more difficult classes, more activities and responsibilities, college pressure? Maybe they are feeling out of sorts because something has suddenly shown up like depression or anxiety. You need to realistically and responsibly assess the situation. What I mean is that you need to be honest about the contributors and what you might be responsible for causing and what they might be responsible for. Be calm and open to a conversation with your teen and don’t necessarily expect them to know what is causing the situation. They really might not know. Your goal is to make sure your teen is happy, safe and productive. This will require their input and real conversation. If your teen says I’m just not motivated…don’t buy it. Lack of motivation is a symptom of the problem. Instead, tell yourself there is always a reason. Let your teen know that you know there is a reason and that you are going to help them find out what it is. In working with teens and families it usually doesn’t take me long to find the reason, because I know there is something behind the behavior. If you need some help in figuring things out seek out the support of a therapist. I almost always suggest family therapy because most often the entire family dynamic is a contributing factor. And remember…there is always a reason.