Dear Teen,
I find it helpful to divide the things going on in your life into two broad categories: the things you CAN control and the things you CANNOT. We often fight against the things we have no control over. As an example, say you have a parent who drinks too much and you hate it. You have tried and tried to get them to stop. You’ve told them it scares you and you never know what to expect, but the drinking continues. Your parent assures you they will stop, but they don’t. So no matter what you say or do nothing changes. Try this: put your focus on what you DO have control over. Like going to school and doing all of your classwork and homework. You can put your focus on doing the best you can in school. You also have control over your actions and decisions. I know your parents still have some say but it is ultimately your choice on how you respond to everything going on around you. You get to choose your friends and your relationships, hopefully choosing people who support and accept you for who you are and that you choose healthy relationships. You get to choose whether you do risky behaviors like anything breaking the law (shoplifting, etc.) or drinking or using drugs. You get to choose how you treat others, like respectfully, kindly and with compassion. You can choose to hold down a job and earn some of your own money. So while so much may feel out of your control there is still so much that is well within your complete control. Shift your focus to YOU, not what others are doing. It can be very empowering to take the control back with a focus on all the positive things you can do for YOU.