Dear Parent,
Really, just stop and listen. That is one of the top things kids tell me that they want from their parents. They want them to listen. Not talk, tell, argue, preach, question. Just listen. Calmly and with an open mind. So many teens feel shut down by being accused or judged. Wouldn’t you? It’s really hard for many teens to talk to any adults, let alone their parents, about anything. If you want to establish trust and openness with your teen, stop talking and listen. If they tell you something alarming, try not to overreact. Listen. Offer to discuss options in handling the information. Make decisions together, even if it requires consequences for negative behavior. Keep your voice calm and don’t react quickly. Take time to think things through before reacting. When I hear something alarming, my first comment is usually “OK…” I want them to keep talking! I want them to see that I am listening and reacting is a calm supportive way. If they see that you react to what they are telling you in a positive way, they just might feel comfortable enough to talk to you even more! And to come to you when they have a problem or situation that they need help with. Don’t you want to be the person they turn to? Of course you do. So keep the lines to communication open by being calm, attentive and the best listener ever!