Dear Parent,
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning or Queer. Don’t be afraid, these are just ways a teen may use to identify themselves. It’s not a disease and it’s not a choice. I work with a group of LGBTQ teens and when I asked them if they would have chosen this identity, it was an emphatic NO! Life is hard enough for a teen when it comes to discovering who they are, feeling accepted for who they are and feeling confident about who they are without throwing in sex and gender issues. Let’s not make it harder for them by being closed minded or afraid to have a conversation. I have also found that if you have a pretty strong feeling that your teen may be dealing with LGBTQ issues, they probably are. I also found an easy way to get the conversation started is by bravely asking, “Do you identify LGBTQ?” If they say no, then either they are not ready to talk or they don’t identify with it. You can assure them it is OK with you if they are, even if they are not sure. Let them know you will support them. By you asking, you are showing them you are open to a conversation. Don’t you, as the parent, want to be the one they come to? To make that happen you need to let them know you are accepting of whoever they are, will love them no matter what, and that you are open-minded and non-judgmental. If you are not these things, become these things. Stay calm, and listen. Once they know you are safe to talk to, they just might open up. Many teens exploring their sexual and gender identities may also change how they identify. Be open to this too. They need to know they can explore their feelings around this without judgment. If you feel that your teen is struggling emotionally in any way, then they should probably be working with a therapist. If the family has an issue with LGBTQ identities, then maybe the family should work with a therapist, too. Many communities have resource centers where you can get help if needed. Your school counselors should also be a good place for help and support. We want to support all teens to be confident about who they are, never accept bullying and harassment as OK, and nurture them to be happy productive contributors to society. Why does their sexual or gender identity even matter if they are being good people? Let’s help them be the best they can be.