Dear Parents:
I think we might all be able to agree that we want our kids to grow up and be independent and self-sufficient. But I think that is easier said than done. Our natural tendency is to protect our kids, keep them safe. Allowing freedom and independence kind of goes against that idea. So I think it takes practice. You start by allowing your teen to set their own boundaries and prove they can be responsible. Foster trust by letting them decide what will work, like saying they will be home by 9pm and then see if they follow-through. Foster trust by keeping communication open, so you know where they are, with whom and when they will be home. Your teen has to know that they have to keep you informed and by doing that you can relax and let go a little bit. Be sure to tell them that every time they follow through and do what they say that your trust and confidence in them is growing. And that little by little you will let go and let them have more independence and freedom. You just have to know they are safe, making healthy choices, and being honest. This is a conversation you may have to have over and over so they know you mean it. Also to convince yourself to do it! It’s hard to let them go, but at some point you have to. In letting them go a little more each time you are preparing them to handle their own lives and situations. You are also preparing yourself to have less of an impact on their lives. As hard as that is to do, that’s exactly what you want to happen. If you communicate calmly and patiently and really listen, every single time, they will trust that they can go to your for help, direction or concerns. And that’s what you want because then you know you can trust them to seek you out when needed. Of course you will miss them like crazy when they leave home, but sending them off prepared will feel a lot better. Practicing now will also help you watch them go with confidence. You can’t protect them from everything, but you can help them navigate the world in a responsible and healthy way.
Special note: Many parents are now using cell phones as a way to keep track of their teens. While this can be a great tool it should never replace a real live conversation or be overused. Know what your teen is up to that day before they leave the house. Then if plans change they can let you know with a quick text.