Dear Teen,
There’s a lot I can say to boys but will focus on self-respect and respecting girls for now. I always say to girls that I want them to set their standards high so they can have the kind of relationships and friendships they want. But the same idea goes for boys. Setting your standards high means to think about what is important to you, like honesty, respect, humor, fun, similar interests, etc. Then seek out friendships and relationships that meet your standards. When it comes to girls, I see way too many boys that seem to think the end goal is sex. I get that sex is on your mind, but it should never be to the end goal. Respecting girls means to take the time to get to know them before becoming intimate. And always with the girl’s consent. Why would you think it’s OK to expect a girl to put out and do what you want because you say so? Think about how that makes you look. I know you and your friends may be joking around a lot about girls and sex, but when it comes down to it, do you really want to use a girl, be disrespectful to her, hurt her? I certainly hope not. If you are answering sure, who cares? Then you have a huge problem. And you could probably use the advice and support of a trusted adult. Grow up and be a man, because that is where you are heading. If you practice being the kind of man you want to be now, chances are you will make better choices. Think about how good it would feel to treat a girl with respect, communicate with her by listening and sharing and get her respect in return. It’s pretty cool when someone likes you for you, and you feel the same way back. I would hope you would be proud of yourself for being a good guy with a great reputation for treating girls right. It really is so much more fun and makes for a more rewarding relationship. If you have a great girl in your life your friends will be jealous! But do it for you, out of self-respect and maturity. I know you have it in you.