Category: Texting and Social Media

Please Stop Texting Your Teens During School!

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Parent:

This has got to stop. Cell phones are already the biggest distractor to learning and education. When you are texting your teen during class time you are adding to that distraction! Just imagine their phone trying to get their attention while a teacher is talking, or a concept is being taught, or homework instructions explained. What are the chances they heard everything? If you are one of the people texting them during class time, that is easily remedied. Stop doing it. There are always lunch times or break times you can use if you just have to get a hold of your teen. Otherwise, leave them alone during school. Have real conversations when you see them at home. If this seems impossible for  you to do then you seriously need to limit their texting ability to after school hours so you won’t be tempted.  It will help both of you. If there is a true emergency, schools still have real phones you can call on.  Many teens get over a hundred texts a day and that is already way too many. Don’t add to this craziness. Help your teen be as prepared as possible to do their best in school with as few distractions as possible. I know it can make a difference in their learning and success in school. I think it can also be a very positive thing for your relationship with your teen. You end up talking live and in person more than using the fallback and ease of a text. And face to face conversations are still the most effective, personal and real way to communicate.

Texting and Sleeping

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen and Parent,

Those two words really don’t go together. How could you possibly get a good night’s sleep if you are focused on responding to the constant ding of your phone? I recently read and article that laid out some very real statistics. It looks like over sixty per cent of teens are not getting enough sleep because of late night texting or phone use. Twenty to twenty-five per cent are awakened from sleep to respond to a text. Really not too surprising. But aren’t teens already sleep deprived? Do they really need this constant distraction? Up to seventy per cent of teens get less than eight hours of sleep a night, usually five or six! Not only can a lack of sleep get in the way of learning it also can effect brain development and growth, not to mention overall health and well-being. Why is it so hard to turn off the phone during sleep time? Has it become an addiction of sorts or a really bad habit? That’s crazy because you have complete control over this problem!! Give it try for a couple of weeks. Turn off your phone and see if you get more sleep and better sleep. See if the lack of distractions while sleeping help you feel better the next day. It seems worth a try. My guess is that if you can turn off your phone you will feel more relaxed and rested the next day. I think it might take a few days to fall back into a healthy sleep pattern so give it some time to work.

Parents, if they cannot turn off their phone at night and control this on their own, I strongly advise you help them do it. Take the phone at bedtime and give it back in the morning. It’s easy and it will help your teen to develop healthier habits regarding their sleep.

What Makes Anyone Think Sexting is a Good Idea?

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen,

Recently I did a poll of teens at my school to see how many had been involved, or knew someone involved, in sexting. It was an overwhelming 60% of teens had been involved in sexting. Sixty per cent. Six out of every ten teens. Now this was at my school and maybe your school might be higher or lower, but it seemed like a solid average number. And it is shocking! What would make anyone think that sexting is a good idea? I’m married and wouldn’t send risky pictures of myself to my own husband, who I trust completely! You just never know what can happen to pictures sent out in the internet world. You may think you are safe because you deleted the pictures or put them in a “vault”, but that’s no guarantee. You may also think you trust the person you are sending pictures to, but we are talking teen relationships and very rarely do they last and you also don’t always stay friends that you can trust. I’m also sorry to say that there are a lot of crazy people out there looking for risky pictures of teens, or children. It’s called pornography. So if you think about it, is it worth the risk? I have seen too many teens send pictures of themselves to someone that end up being something lots of other people see. Boys seem to have a tendency to “share” these pictures with other boys. “Look what this girl sent!” “Check out my girlfriend!” You get the idea.

Girls… NEVER take this risk, it just isn’t worth the possible embarrassment and humiliation. Please know that if a guy asks you to send him a risky picture you can say no. If he gives you a hard time for not doing it he’s not the guy for you. You deserve better. Remember it’s about respect and if you say no to anything, that needs to be respected. Think for a minute how it would feel to have a compromising picture of yourself viewed by a lot of people. There’s nothing about it that would feel good. Nothing.

Boys…NEVER think that getting a girl to send you a risky picture, even a girlfriend, is a good idea. Do you really need a picture to have a good relationship? No you do not. So be respectful of girls and don’t even ask for a picture. Also, do not send one of yourself! It goes the other way too. You never know what will happen to that picture and who might get a hold of it. It’s not worth the risk. Super important: If you ever think about getting a risky picture and then giving it, sending it or selling it to someone else you are risking child pornography. Seriously. Very seriously. So don’t EVER do it.

Teens…Try having a relationship or friendship that’s real. Live. Real conversations. Look into each other’s eyes and faces when you talk. Being with each other. Doing things together. Trusting and respecting each other. It’s much healthier and way less risky. Do you really need to send risky pictures to keep a relationship or friendship? I certainly hope not because that would not be a healthy relationship/friendship. Let’s get that 60% down to zero.

Sexting: To send someone, or receive, a sexually explicit, suggestive or provocative photograph, image or message via cell phone.

Online “Friends”

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Parent,

I am sometimes very alarmed when teens tell me they have friends in other states that they have never met! These are their online friends. Yes they Skype and have “seen” them face to face over the computer, but have never met in person. I’m just not sure how strong these kinds of friendships really are with no in person interaction. Is the person really who they think they are? You really can be anyone you want to be on a computer screen. There are just too many unknowns. As parents, you absolutely positively need to be monitoring who your teen is talking to online. It is not an invasion of privacy, it’s about protection. If it’s a real friend, then you should be able to call the parents of the friend and make a real connection. If it’s a real friend, then there should be nothing to hide. If your teen refuses to help you make that connection, then close down the computer and start having a real conversation with your teen. Let them know why you are so concerned. Your job is to make sure they are safe and healthy and happy. You may trust your teen, for the most part, but if they don’t get that this can be very risky, then you need to teach them why it is not a good idea. I know many teens will not want you to invade their online space, but remember who bought the computer and pays the bills. You get to set the rules around it’s use. And above all, your job is to keep your teen safe. That means when you give them devices that open up the world to them you also need to educate your teen on appropriate use of those devices and all that can happen in the computer world.

I’m So Stressed Out!

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teens and Parents,

I feel there has been an increase in teens with anxiety and panic attacks. I started thinking about why this is happening. Why would there be an increase? I came to two main reasons I see as contributors; the pressure to get into a “good college” and overuse of technology.  I hear people say it is getting harder and harder to get into college and I see parents and adults putting pressure on teens to be and do everything they can to be the best college candidate possible. Because it is so hard to get into college!!! OK, that stresses me out and I’ve already been to college. Part of the reason I believe the pressure has increased is because of this kind of message. College isn’t really harder to get into because college has gotten harder to do, it’s because there are more people going to college now and there are not more colleges. This makes getting in more competitive and forces the college entrance requirement averages to go up. So teens and parents researching colleges see that it takes a higher GPA and test scores to get into a college than in past years. Then they think you better do more if you want to go to a good college. Maybe you better do everything! High GPA, high test scores, community service, sports, clubs, etc. As the pressure grows, the stress increases and anxiety may set in. Teens need to focus on doing the best they can. If you know that you have done the best you can and gave all of your activities, obligations, homework your best effort then GOOD JOB! Be proud of yourself and keep doing it! Consistency will pay off. Also, you don’t have to do everything. Find the things that are most important to you, that expand on your interests and then enjoy the experience. If you find your stress increasing, re-prioritize. What do you really need to focus on and what can you let go of? It is so important to maintain a healthy balanced life which includes managing your day. Know when you have reached your limit and re-assess. Everyone has a limit in how much they can handle. So give yourself a break and make sure you are doing what works for you. There is a college for everyone! (See previous blog Who Cares What Colleges Want!)

Now, the other reason I feel is a contributor to the increase in stress and anxiety is that there is too much attachment to technology, social media, texting and smart phones in general. If all day long you are checking your phone to see what’s happening and checking the constant texts and messages then you are constantly being distracted from doing what you need to be doing: like paying attention in class and homework. Everyone needs a little down time and the constant barrage is getting in the way. Try not texting or using your phone in any way for 1 week and see if you don’t feel more relaxed! If you are suffering from stress and anxiety…try being tech free for 1 week and see if it makes a difference. Then re-assess if it’s worth the stress it has caused you. You have complete control over letting technology affect you in a negative way. Isn’t nice to know you have complete control over something?? (See previous blog Please Put Down Your Phone!)

 

Please Put Down Your Phone!

Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

 

Dear Teen,

You are missing out on real connections with people! I know smart phones are here to stay (until they change into something even better), but I really believe our teens today are missing out on making real connections with people…you know, the  kind where you look someone in the eye, where you can observe body language, things like that. You might even miss out on that special someone flirting with you! And I mean in a real eye-catching way. Isn’t it more fun to watch the cute guy/girl you like actually walk by than looking at some lame comment on your phone?? The only fear of missing out is missing out on something live and real happening! In the moment! I’m not saying you should give up your phone, I would never even suggest it. But maybe set it aside once in awhile, as you walk through the halls at school or when you hang out with your friends. See how freeing it feels to not be constantly looking at your phone. I have had several teens tell me that they felt relief when they lost their phones and weren’t constantly checking it anymore. Sure they admitted it was scary at first, not being able to contact people or know their schedule, but they soon found out it was OK! They sought out their friends the old-fashioned way…by talking! In person! They found they could make plans in person! I’d love to see all teens pledge a no phones week and see what happens. I know I’m dreaming, but just think of the conversations that could happen! Things wouldn’t get lost in translation. You would be able to see the facial reactions of your friends and family and be able to respond to them appropriately, like with a smile or a real laugh out loud.

Teens and Texting

aj Leave a comment

Dear Parent,

Teens text too  much. Seriously. It can easily be as much as 100 times a day, and the majority are during the school day! I know this for a fact because I have asked many kids and their parents. Every time the parents are shocked to hear that the number is so high. So, as a parent, do you check your phone bill? Do you know how many times your son/daughter is texting a day? Check it out. But don’t be too shocked, since I warned you. Now think about how your day would be if you were dealing with as many as 100 texts a day. Personally, I could not get my job done, let alone focus on anything else. It would be horribly distracting. So it really may not be too hard to figure out why Johnny is not doing well in school. When a parent asks me for help because their teens grades are down, my first questions are “Do they have a cell phone? With texting/internet ability? How many texts do they do a day?” I suggest that once that is under control and if they are still having trouble at school, then call me. Maybe then we can get to the root of the problem.

I know texting is here to stay or at least until the next new way to communicate comes up. So maybe when you give your child a phone, you also teach them how to use it, and what is appropriate. Research what teens are using and doing. Set up some guidelines. Let them know you will check to make sure nothing gets out of control. Make them part of the decisions and discussion. Please think about limiting access and use, especially during the school day. Help them pay attention to what is happening in the classroom. Help them limit the distractions. There are already way too many things happening in the life of a teen to add any other distractions.

Texting Waterfall_Fotor FINAL