For Teens – Page 3 – Teen Waterfall

Be Safe Be Smart Be Real

September 26, 2015September 26, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

I used to run a lot of drug groups (support groups) at the high school I work at, but our district now has a program for students wanting or needing help. But every once in awhile I talk to a teen about drug use and this always comes up. It was my motto when doing the groups and it still stands true today. When talking to a teen about drug use I would ask “Are you being safe?” This means are you making choices that keep you safe like not driving under the influence of anything. Or can you limit your use so you don’t become completely out of it. It can also mean taking care of those around you so no one gets hurt. Then I would ask “Are you being smart?” Ask yourself if you are making smart choices. It’s pretty hard to say anything is a smart choice when talking about drugs and alcohol. But this is a real question to ask. It might help you NOT do something you might later regret. And last but not least is “Are you being real?” If you are under the influence of something how real are you really being? How can you be your true self if your self has been altered? If it is important to you to be real and true to yourself then drugs and alcohol cannot be a part of that plan. If you are so far from knowing yourself enough to answer these simple questions then help may be needed. But if you keep it simple and ask yourself these questions when drugs and/or alcohol are in the picture, you may be able to say, “No thanks, I like who I am and like to be in control of myself. It’s a little scary to be altered in any way and I want to stay safe, smart and be the real me. Unaltered.” I had a banner in my office and group room to remind students regularly of this message. You could write it down somewhere too so you don’t forget about it. It really might help you make better decisions so you can be safe, smart and real. Always.

BE SAFE BE SMART BE REAL

How to Jumpstart Your Therapy

September 20, 2015September 20, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen and Parent,

Some people hesitate working with a therapist. It can feel like a HUGE project and process that may never end! In reality, committing to working on yourself and/or your issues can actually make life easier in the long run. Wouldn’t it be great to start therapy a few sessions ahead? I believe if you go in completely open to the process with a goal of your own you can actually lessen the number of sessions needed. Many people start therapy waiting for whatever the therapist tells or asks them. They take a passive role. If you try taking a proactive role in your own therapy, you may get further faster! Here’s what I mean. What is the reason or need for therapy? See if you can clearly define what YOU need, what would be YOUR goal? When therapy is over, what would you have wanted to accomplish? Here’s an example. Say you are depressed and anxious. Your reason for therapy is to feel better, not so down and no more anxiety attacks. Your goal might be to commit to every therapy session and find new ways to manage your feelings and the depression and anxiety. You want to lessen your stressors, too. In the end, you hope to accomplish knowing yourself and your needs better in a way that you can independently manage your life in a positive way. So to do that, for your first meeting with your therapist, you need to lay it all out. Be open and share your reasons, goals and hopeful outcomes. Be open and share how you really feel and what triggers your feelings and reactions. If you have had any kind of trauma or event in your life that has had a negative outcome for you, share that too! That’s what I mean about being proactive. It can take a few weeks for a therapist to get to know you and what you need, but if you go in with a plan and your own agenda, you may find working with the therapist a really positive experience for you. As a teen, it is the perfect plan to help you feel more in control of your own life. Maybe your parents will see that you are taking it seriously and truly want to make changes. In the end, don’t you really just want to be the best person you can be? More in control of your own life and the choices and decisions you will be making? Of course you do! So give it a try, you may learn some new things about yourself that you had never thought of before and not have to be in therapy forever!

What CAN You Do?

September 6, 2015September 6, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen,

You can’t change other people, or change the past, so what CAN you do? Sometimes you may feel powerless in a situation but there is always something you can do. You may not be able to make another person be different or do what you want them to do, or change a situation but you certainly have power over what YOU do. The friends you have, the choices you make around social situations, how you do in school, etc. are all things you have control over. So you might have to literally ask yourself…what CAN I do? Think about all the things in your life that you do have control over: like going to school, doing all of your homework and classwork, being reliable with responsibilities and commitments, staying out of trouble (no drugs/alcohol, no breaking the law), keeping a positive attitude and being a good person. In other words, all the things you can do that have a positive impact on your life. If life at home is really difficult for you and you need to get out of the house, get a job or volunteer somewhere, join a sports team, club or gym. These are things that are good for YOU and build on who you are and they get you out of the house doing something positive for YOU! This is not a way to fix the problem but it is a way to move forward and not be stuck feeling there is nothing you can do. As you get older the opportunities to have control in your life continue to grow, especially if you have been a good person staying out of trouble. So focus on the positive and see if you can find some things that make you feel good about yourself. As your sense of control in your life develops so does self-confidence and the maturity to handle anything life throws at you.

Good friends-Doing your best in school-Holding down a job-Volunteering or community service-Playing a sport-Participating in a club-Working on a hobby-Exploring an interest-Taking care of yourself:physically, emotionally, mentally-Helping others-The list goes on!

Finding Something Positive in a Painful Situation

September 6, 2015September 6, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen and Parent,

Death of a loved one, be it a family member or friend, can leave you in a world of grief. It’s a process you will have to go through in your own way and in your own time. You cannot bring them back, or change what has happened. So what can you do? As you travel along the grief process path, if you can allow yourself to reflect on what that person has meant to you, and how they have impacted your life, you may be able to find something positive in the loss. What I mean is…think about how that person positively impacted your life. Maybe by always being there for you, making you laugh, loving you, supporting you in a crisis, being a great listener, someone fun to hang with, being a great friend, or someone you looked up to. Take that memory and quality about that person and think about how you can apply it to your own life. How can what that person gave you make you a better person? How can you be more like them or have more of that quality that meant so much to you? By becoming a better person, because of what they gave you, you are honoring that person’s life. Anytime we can be better people we will be affecting the world around us in a positive way. So let yourself reflect on the memories you are left with, laugh about the good times and funny moments, and let yourself take on a new view of who you are and who you can become by having been touched by the person you lost. What a great honor.

I’m So Stressed Out!

August 30, 2015August 30, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teens and Parents,

I feel there has been an increase in teens with anxiety and panic attacks. I started thinking about why this is happening. Why would there be an increase? I came to two main reasons I see as contributors; the pressure to get into a “good college” and overuse of technology. I hear people say it is getting harder and harder to get into college and I see parents and adults putting pressure on teens to be and do everything they can to be the best college candidate possible. Because it is so hard to get into college!!! OK, that stresses me out and I’ve already been to college. Part of the reason I believe the pressure has increased is because of this kind of message. College isn’t really harder to get into because college has gotten harder to do, it’s because there are more people going to college now and there are not more colleges. This makes getting in more competitive and forces the college entrance requirement averages to go up. So teens and parents researching colleges see that it takes a higher GPA and test scores to get into a college than in past years. Then they think you better do more if you want to go to a good college. Maybe you better do everything! High GPA, high test scores, community service, sports, clubs, etc. As the pressure grows, the stress increases and anxiety may set in. Teens need to focus on doing the best they can. If you know that you have done the best you can and gave all of your activities, obligations, homework your best effort then GOOD JOB! Be proud of yourself and keep doing it! Consistency will pay off. Also, you don’t have to do everything. Find the things that are most important to you, that expand on your interests and then enjoy the experience. If you find your stress increasing, re-prioritize. What do you really need to focus on and what can you let go of? It is so important to maintain a healthy balanced life which includes managing your day. Know when you have reached your limit and re-assess. Everyone has a limit in how much they can handle. So give yourself a break and make sure you are doing what works for you. There is a college for everyone! (See previous blog Who Cares What Colleges Want!)

Now, the other reason I feel is a contributor to the increase in stress and anxiety is that there is too much attachment to technology, social media, texting and smart phones in general. If all day long you are checking your phone to see what’s happening and checking the constant texts and messages then you are constantly being distracted from doing what you need to be doing: like paying attention in class and homework. Everyone needs a little down time and the constant barrage is getting in the way. Try not texting or using your phone in any way for 1 week and see if you don’t feel more relaxed! If you are suffering from stress and anxiety…try being tech free for 1 week and see if it makes a difference. Then re-assess if it’s worth the stress it has caused you. You have complete control over letting technology affect you in a negative way. Isn’t nice to know you have complete control over something?? (See previous blog Please Put Down Your Phone!)

Who Cares What Colleges Want!

August 22, 2015August 23, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen (and parents),

Really, you should care more about what YOU want. Instead of thinking about doing things because you think that’s what colleges want to see, think about doing things that help you explore who you are and build on your interests. Now that’s a thought! I hear so many people say things like “What should I be doing for college?” or “What are colleges looking for?” While those are very good and appropriate questions, many people seem to think that means they need to do everything so they are a good candidate for college. When the reality is that if you explore things you are interested in and try new things to see what you are good at and what you like…you just might become a great college candidate! Of course you have to get good grades, take challenging courses, and do the best you can on the ACTs and/or SATs. But to add to that, it will be about letting colleges see who you are. They do that by looking at your activities, interests and experiences. So do things that you are interested knowing more about or things that are fun for you! Build on those interests. Seek out new experiences. Don’t be afraid to try something new and see if you like it. That’s how you get to know yourself. All of this will help you decide a direction for your future and that’s what colleges want to see. So having the most community service hours may not be the things that get you in…it may be that you can paint a fairly clear picture of who you are and that a college education is the next step in getting you where YOU want to go! So, yes we really do care about what colleges want…but we care MORE about you being YOU in the process.

Tell Someone…

August 3, 2015August 17, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen,

If you or someone you know has suffered or struggled with any of the following things: abuse (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, date rape), suicidal thoughts, depression, neglect, eating issues, anxiety, low self-esteem…tell someone! And I don’t mean tell your friends because they are a great support system for you. Well, go ahead and tell your friends but tell a trusted adult too. Hopefully this would be your parents, but if not find another adult in your life that you trust; like a teacher, counselor, family friend. The sooner you get some real professional help the sooner you can begin to recover. Many people are afraid to tell, afraid they will get in trouble or get someone else in trouble. Many people are afraid to confront the issue, it might be too painful, or too disruptive to their lives. Many people are afraid to tell someone because of what others might think of them. But believe me, it’s a whole lot harder going around with a painful or difficult secret than to tell someone and get some help. That pain will never go away on it’s own, it settles into you and can start causing problems; like headaches, physical ailments, depression, anxiety, etc. But if you tell someone you trust and get the help you need you can start letting it go. I put abuse at the top of the list because many times abuse victims do not come forward, out of fear, shame or embarrassment. As a former abuse victim, I know how it feels to finally tell someone. I felt bad for so long and then just broke, told my favorite teacher and ended the abuse once and for all! I started to feel safer and freer. It is never the victim’s fault, no matter what your abuser may tell you. How could it ever possibly be a child’s or teen’s fault? You are still children!! You have done nothing wrong. So be brave and tell someone. You will never regret it. Even if you are concerned about a friend, do not keep it a secret. I have never seen a friendship break up because a secret was told and the person got help. Never. It’s also a risk worth taking. Always. The other issue at the top of the list is suicidal thoughts. ALWAYS tell a trusted adult. IMMEDIATELY. Don’t waste time thinking about the right thing to do, because the right and only thing to do is tell someone. If it is about a friend, I’d rather get them help than worry about wrecking the friendship or breaking the trust. So even if someone tells you not to ever tell…tell someone. It will be worth it.

Practicing Relationships

July 25, 2015August 17, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen,

Ever wonder why teen relationships rarely last very long? You might think…first love and forever! But that is clearly not the case. Sometimes it seems like teens go from one relationship to the next at light speed! Why are they being so crazy about relationships? Put simply, they are practicing relationships. This is the time in their lives to start figuring out what they do and do not like in a relationship, what it’s like to be close to someone, be attracted to someone. Be vulnerable. It is a chance to figure out what they like in another person and learn new things about themselves. A new relationship may start out really exciting and fun and many teens rush into it, mostly because at that point the relationship is based on physical attraction alone. If hormones and attraction get in the way, try to slow down enough to feel good about what you are doing. If you do something physical or sexual with another person make sure it is what YOU want too. Take the time to get to know the person first, there really is no hurry. When I ask teens what the most important thing in a relationship is they almost always say trust. And trust takes time. The relationship needs a foundation first and if that foundation starts by being about trust you’ve made a great start! Practicing relationships means you will most certainly make mistakes along the way. Mistakes are a great way to learn, just make sure you don’t keep making the same ones! Learn from your mistakes and make sure you keep setting your personal bar a little higher each time. Think about what you want in a relationship and then make sure that’s what you get. For example: trust, respect, fun, communication, attraction, sense of humor, open-minded, the list could go on and on. What would make YOU happy? And what do YOU have to offer another person? It’s all about getting to know yourself and trusting yourself first. Then you can let another person in and have a great experience. I’m not sure if practice makes perfect, but it will certainly help you understand what you might want!

Change the Message in Your Head

July 10, 2015August 9, 2015 Ann Nebolon Leave a comment

Dear Teen,

Here’s my lame analogy. If you wake up in the morning and it’s raining outside and you say, “I can’t believe it’s raining! I’m going to get all wet and today is going to be horrible.” What kind of day do you think you are going to have? If you wake up in the morning and it’s raining and you say, “Yay! It’s raining! I love the rain! Now I can wear my new cool rain boots!” What kind of day do you think you will have? No brainer. A great day! It’s all about the messages you tell yourself…all day long. It’s also about choice, choosing to see things in a positive way or not. Changing a message from negative to positive is not always easy and may take some time. It’s going to take a commitment to change. Try writing down your new message everywhere, like your bathroom mirror or on the inside cover of your binder or set your phone up with a message reminder, so you will be constantly reminded. Here’s an example. If you tell yourself “I’m not a good test taker” it may set you up to not even try. If you say “I’m going to prepare for this test and do the best I can” it keeps you in a positive mood. Here’s another example. ” I’m not good at anything.” Try “I am going to find some things I like to do and explore doing them!” Turn any negative message into a positive one and make sure they are your own words to yourself so that you truly connect with the message. Doing this can work with any subject: school, friends, self, family, activities and sports. Anything. It’s all about creating positive messages and working it until they become natural for you, until the positive overtakes the negative! Most good things don’t come easy so be ready to try hard and do your best. And when you do make a new message that effects a change, be proud of yourself!

Original Art by Michael McRoskey 2015