Dear Teen,
I’ve been wondering lately why more teens are not more resilient. Maybe if you knew what it meant it might help, because I believe you can build resilience. Resilience means the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or other significant sources of stress. This can include family issues, relationship problems, health problems or work or money issues. And many of these things can happen to us at any time throughout our lifetimes. For teens I feel it can be particularly difficult to manage because you are just beginning to get to know yourselves, who you are, what you believe is important, etc. By first being aware that you can be more resilient to life’s ups and downs is a start. Resiliency is definitely something that can be learned because it involves how you handle situations, your actions and responses, your thoughts and behaviors which are all things that can be changed, developed and managed. Here are some ideas on how to build resilience. These are just some ideas that I hope you can make your own. Read on….
Take Care of Yourself – The number one thing to do is to make sure you take care of you. Eat good food, get fresh air and some exercise, sleep enough and well, care for your body, mind and spirit, give yourself downtime to relax and de-stress. Make YOU your own best friend and treat yourself with love and care.
Set Goals – Make small and large, short and long-term goals. Then every time you reach one, be proud of yourself!! Set some goals that are very easily attainable and won’t take too much time like; getting all of your homework done before 9pm, making a good choice about food, or starting a project you have been putting off. Longer term goals can have mini-accomplishments along the way. The goal of setting goals is to do them and feel good about yourself and the accomplishment.
Build Relationships / Create Connections – Think about the people you choose to be around and make sure they are a positive influence on you, and you on them. You want your relationships to be real and honest, supportive and encouraging. You can continue your connections by possibly reaching into your local community by volunteering. Giving back can be great for your self-esteem and confidence and you just might meet more people who have the same interests and attitudes about life as you. Seek out the positive in all of your relationships and don’t be afraid to let drama, stress or toxic relationships go.
Build on the Positive – Make sure you can turn your focus to the positive side of things, even when times are tough. It’s a lot about the messages you tell yourself. If you tell yourself you will get through this and it will be OK, you have a higher chance of making that happen. If you accept that all kinds of things happen in life and you have the power and control to manage them, you can be OK. I’m not saying it will always be easy, but you can believe you can get through tough times.
Don’t Believe Everything People Tell You – Sometimes people say mean things or do mean things to us, that doesn’t mean you have to own it, or believe it. YOU get to decide how you feel about you. You do not have to let what someone else says or does to you define who you are. YOU get to decide that. Remember that. It’s huge when it come to building resiliency.
Learn From Your Past / Learn From Your Mistakes – It’s OK to make mistakes and poor choices, but you want to make sure you learn from them. If you did something that did not work out too well for you, make sure you don’t do it again! Think about the things that cause you the most stress…how can you avoid these in the future? Think about what you have learned about yourself along the way and accept this new knowledge so you can make better choices in the future. Choices that will lead you to feeling happy, not stressed or down.
Build Your Confidence – Anything you can do to build up your confidence in yourself will always be helpful in being a strong, resilient person. Focus on making good choices that build on who you are and want to be. Think about the qualities you admire and strive towards that. When you do something good, be proud of yourself! When you accomplish a goal, be proud of yourself! Believe you are a good person with a lot to offer the world and always work on being the best person you can be.
You can Get Through It – If you are going through a crisis, know that it will not be like this forever. You will get through it and feel good again. Try looking into the future and some of your long term goals, then take it a day at a time, a step at a time. Also be sure to get professional help if need it to navigate through a crisis.
These are some of the things that can start building your resilience. It takes time and perseverance. But the bottom line is that you can get through just about anything if you believe in yourself and your ability to do so. So build on you, give yourself credit for all the good you do and that is in your life, and know that you have the power and control to be happy and healthy.